Fifth news item

"You've Got to Sleep With Your Mum and Dad" is now available on Amazon. Childhood angst, marathon swimming, international exploitation and the threat of impending pinniped intimacy. on 2014-08-13
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Fourth news item

Have a look at my page on Amazon. Still plenty of summer left for challenging literature. on 2014-08-13
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Third news item

Check out my Amazon Kindle page. 'The Baby Who Killed People for Money' is now available. An utterly charming child with a unique and lucrative skill. A father with no defence against his daughter's impulses. Would you take your little girl around Europe for a spot of murder tourism? Of course you would. on 2014-06-30
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Second news item

My story on the Tate gallery website on 2013-11-11
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First news item

A Thousand Natural Shocks An anthology that includes two of my stories. Available now at Amazon. on 2013-11-11
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May 2022
« Jul    

101 Things

101 Things I’ve Done Before I Die

Click on anything with a link to be taken somewhere.

  1. Swim the Hellespont.
  2. Get frostbite in Australia in summer.
  3. Be stoned by angry inhabitants of Hebron.
  4. Save the life of an octopus.
  5. Write a novel about sex with an enormous fish.
  6. Break three ribs in a singing accident.
  7. Deliver a lecture entitled ‘The Mammalian Penis’.
  8. Have my back and chest waxed by 400 girls.
  9. Eat dogs in frozen central China.
  10. Deflate a toad.
  11. Paraglide to a Mediterranean beach.
  12. Go to a Hippy Festival in an abandoned Greek village.
  13. Ride a bicycle around the world on the South Circular.
  14. Dine with the monks in Morgabriel Monastery.
  15. Drink a lot at a traditional wedding in Bukhara.
  16. Eat at an underground kitchen during a Kurdish general strike.
  17. Ride a bike from Adelaide to the Flinders Ranges.
  18. Swim with wobbegongs in South Australia.
  19. Kill and eat a kangaroo.
  20. Skin an echidna.
  21. Nurse an injured Tawny Frogmouth back to health.
  22. Wake up underneath a possum eating a biscuit.
  23. Run from Asia to Europe.
  24. Have Petra all to myself in the snow.
  25. Smoke with the driver in the cab of the train from Luxor to Aswan.
  26. Write a post-structuralist analysis of ‘One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish‘.
  27. Aquatint a dragon.
  28. Drive a thousand miles for a weightlifting competition and drive back the next day.
  29. Drop into Armenia for ten seconds.
  30. Write a novel in three days.
  31. See the Beatles.
  32. Have a heavily-armed roadblock set up to apprehend me in northern Turkey.
  33. Hang out with the Turkmen National Puppet Theatre in Samarkand.
  34. Swim with dolphins.
  35. Climb Kaçkar Dağı with a Turk and an Israeli.
  36. Ski Erciyes Dağı.
  37. Go ice-caving under a glacier.
  38. Eat crazy spicy jellyfish in Guangzhou.
  39. Take a sleeping car on a long distance steam train in China.
  40. See Corcovado from a helicopter.
  41. Climb Sydney Harbour Bridge at night.
  42. Bog a tractor.
  43. Be passed over the heads of an audience the entire length of a club and back whilst continuing to sing.
  44. Headline the Independence Day celebrations of Antalya.
  45. Fill a 400-seat theatre for a solo concert.
  46. Be paid 50 million to appear at a music festival.
  47. Be Teen Angel in ‘Grease’.
  48. Blow my big break on Turkish TV.
  49. Do a marathon from Staines to Guildford because of a missed train.
  50. Go to all 81 provinces of Turkey.
  51. Drive a truck with a full-sized garage on the back.
  52. Transport 50 full-grown chickens 100 miles in a small hatchback.
  53. Watch platypuses swimming in the Snowy Mountains.
  54. Get stuck inside the world’s longest Roman aqueduct.
  55. Max out an altimeter.
  56. Make a batmobile.
  57. Build a 7-arch bridge across a stream flowing into the Black Sea.
  58. Go to two genocide museums with exactly the opposite messages. 
  59. Climb Mt Beerwah in bare feet.
  60. Sail a boat on Lake Eyre.
  61. Sing soprano, alto, tenor and bass in choirs.
  62. Train with an Olympic champion.
  63. Swim among ice floes in a glacial lake.
  64. Be photographed by Ara Güler.
  65. Assist at an organ transplant.
  66. Hunt rabbits with a cat.
  67. Make an electric guitar.
  68. Hitch a ride to Jerusalem with a gun-toting private detective.
  69. Be attacked by Jordanian soldiers with a boom box.
  70. Busk at Circular Quay.
  71. Extinguish an 8-unit apartment block fire with a bidet.
  72. Run away from life to join a rock band in Sydney.
  73. Get lost without a working compass in a wilderness with no people for 200 miles.
  74. Had a crab pedicure.
  75. Perform at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts.
  76. Sing Gay Bar at Karaoke night in a south London pub while wearing cycle shorts..
  77. Chop witchetty grubs out of mallee stumps and eat them alive.
  78. Surf kayak in Kauai.
  79. Jump over a Mini.
  80. Break a hand punching a bag snatcher on Ipanema Beach.
  81. Smuggle bicycles into the USA.
  82. Ride a galloping horse into the desert from the Pyramids.
  83. Dive from a boat to explore a sunken Mediterranean city.
  84. Backpack through Armenia with a three-year-old.
  85. Sleep in a brothel in Trabzon.
  86. Have a birthday party in a tattoo parlour.
  87. Be bitten by 12 species of Australian lizard
  88. Play in a band while the building collapsed on the customers’ heads.
  89. Take charge of a dead man on a Black Sea beach.
  90. Get a message in a bottle.
  91. Eat a ruler.
  92. Be attacked by a Peregrine Falcon.
  93. Row a boat around Mont St Michel at midnight with a Frenchman and a German.
  94. Play bat tennis in the Gallipoli trenches.
  95. Sing at midnight in Corpus Christi chapel
  96. Find a mass grave.
  97. Rehabilitate abducted chimpanzees.
  98. Record and press a vinyl record.
  99. Swim in the Southern Ocean every day for a calendar year.
  100. Find the cure for diarrhoea.
  101. Build a gym.
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